Far Cry 3 Review
Cart: Far Cry 3
Carb: Xbox 360 / PS3 / PC
Coin: Ubisoft Montreal
Jason Brody is currently holidaying on the Rook Islands in the Pacific. Thanks in part to some casual vandalism to the islands’ telecommunications infrastructure he has been able to email updates to his mum…these are the first batch of those updates.
Day 1, 2:55PM
– Hi mom! Riley just got his pilots license so we’ve gone to the Rook Islands to get chest bump, shout and jump out of planes with the bros. Best. Holiday. Evah.
Day 2, 6:00AM
– OK. Holiday not so good. Grant got shot in the face my friends are being sold into slavery. Met a local called Dennis. He gave me a magical tattoo and a machete. Also stole a phone. Sorry.
Day 4, 12:30PM
– Today I damaged some communication equipment on the island. The shopkeeper told me I needed to do this to get cheaper ‘top notch gear from the remote villages’. Think I may be too easily led. Oh, I also stabbed someone in the face and stole some money from his corpse.
Day 4, 1:00PM
– There’s too much money on this island. Need some way to carry it all. Lots of pigs here…
Day 4, 3:00PM
– Shopkeepers keep commenting that my money smells of bacon. May need to think about that. Also murdered a group of pirates today. They kept complaining about STDs. Mercy killing.
Day 4, 4:30PM
– I have a new base! Jason: 1, Dead STD pirates: 0.
Day 5, 2:00PM
– I got chased by a tiger today. Also learned how to slide when running and clean stubborn stains from both sides of my cargo pants.
Day 5, 3:00PM
– Shopkeepers keep admiring my new tiger-skin arrow quiver. If this whole ‘magical tatau warrior’ thing doesn’t work out I may consider selling animal wallets at the roadside.
Day 6, 8:00AM
– Getting used to this place. Lots to do. Keep getting messages telling me to do stuff. HELLOOOO, how do you spell ‘vay-cay-shun’?
Day 6, 1:00PM
– Mom, today I took drugs and then went hang-gliding. Also rescued Daisy. She’s now at the safest place on the islands: with a creepy doctor who makes his own hallucinogens and sells on to the ‘clap pirates’.
Day 6, 1:30PM
– Keep getting reminders to do stuff. How do you turn this thing off?
Day 7, 5:30PM
– Stole a boat and went fishing today. Machine-gunned some sharks. Also picked some flowers and injected them into my arm. Recommended.
Day 7, 11:30PM
– Having too much fun. Probably never coming back. Wish you were here (but kind of glad you’re not).
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Lancaster based writer, blogger and digital navel-gazer. Opinions are, sadly, all his own. Favourite games include: Streetfighter II, Ocarina of Time, Goldeneye, Tenchu, Red Dead Redemption, Deus-Ex and Granny’s Garden.