Cart: Alone In The Dark Cab: Xbox 360 / PS2 / PS3 / Wii / PC Coin: Eden Games
The much-anticipated and widely-derided next-gen reboot of the iconic Alone In The Dark franchise failed to impress on many levels. Littered with technical faults, bad language, dire scripting, B-movie acting, clunky gameplay mechanics and one of the most depressing and unsatisfying narratives you’re ever likely to come across; this is the very definition of a game with delusions of adequacy.
Growing up as the son of a dentist, my old man would often trade treatment for favours. Nothing weird, like, just useful. For example: the dude that ran the local video library (remember those?) got free treatment in return for free video rentals. What he perhaps wasn’t banking on was 11 year old me going through every single film that he had in the shop over my school holidays.
Of particular interest to me were horror movies of the day. I say day, I mean the 80’s. So when I say horror movies what I really mean is utter bilge. Naff plots, terrible acting, token boobs, dreadful monster effects, jammy blood and twisted endings. In other words: B-movie heaven.
So, yeah, Alone In The Dark is a pretty naff game on almost every level, but it reminded me of those long summer holidays gorging through the likes of Critters, House, Evil Dead, Amityville, Halloween, Spookies, Puppet Master and Phantasm and basically anything else that I could get my sticky paws on.